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WORDS WORDS WORDS – Does How We Choose Them Really Matter?



(This one’s dedicated to Mr. Rice. We constantly squabble over his word choices, which are appropriate in his mind yet often questionable in mine. Oh, well. Here’s to us. May the squabbling continue!)


When I was a kid, whenever I had my feelings hurt by something another kid said, my mom would remind me: “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” While I grasped what she was trying to tell me, I never quite bought it. To me, words mattered.


The next time I gave as much thought to words might have been during a freshman comp session in college. The instructor asked us, “What is the most beautiful word you’ve ever heard?” I can’t remember the exact responses; I suspect they were things like “baby,” “sunshine,” “radiant.”


“No, no,” the teacher said. “I’m talking about beautiful-sounding words. Like enema.

Not surprisingly, most of us grimaced when he said that. But he told us his class of International students who spoke English as a second language rated enema as a most beautiful word.

The lesson wasn’t yet over. “What are some ugly-sounding words?” he continued. Again, I can’t remember the numerous student responses, just the teacher’s one: “What about f*ck?” I thought I’d die. Then he asked us to share some words and phrases that meant the same thing but sounded less offensive. To this day, the phrase grinding corn still gives me the giggles.




Ah, words. To this day, I remain convinced that how and why we choose them really does matter.


Back in 2019, I started an annual tradition of sorts. I chose a Word of the Year (WOTY), a single word to capture what I needed more of, what I wanted to improve, or what I wanted to focus on in the upcoming year. In 2019, I was twelve months from retirement, burned out, but still wanting to make an impact at work. My mind constantly bungeed from “What do I need to be doing now?” to “What next?” My WOTY choice was easy then: FOCUS.


When 2020 arrived, I chose CULTIVATE. Oh, hellz, yeah, I cultivated in 2020. Who didn’t? What else was there to DO while waiting for this pandemic to end, except to nurture and develop plans for some day?

For better or worse, some day is here, in the form of 2021. Before I tell you what word I’ve chosen this round, I’d like to share some choices a few of my friends have made. Seems I’m not alone in ushering in a WOTY.



Let me start with Karen, whom I met 30 years ago when we both moved from different states into the same suburb north of Atlanta. Karen was almost nine months pregnant at the time, and I asked what she was going to do with her older kids (then three and seven) when it was time to have the baby. She planned to pack ‘em up and take ‘em along to the hospital with her and her husband. I suggested instead she bring them to my house, which she and Gary did. To this day, our families remain good friends. One of Karen and my current bonds is that while our politics are similar, we each have adult children (and their partners) who do NOT necessarily share our views. Can you say, “Oh, wow. What are some safe discussion topics during family Zoom calls?” When Karen chose KINDNESS as her WOTY, I didn’t need to ask her why. (Then again, maybe it’s the ongoing Karen jokes folks dump on her. Regardless, Kare Bear, I wish you an abundance of well-deserved kindness in 2021.)


Next comes Agnes, one of my favorite former co-workers. We met over ten years ago, and a friendship evolved. Back in September 2019, as Agnes approached retirement, I wrote this to/about her: “The lady is classic, mindful, and caring. I have no doubt she seeks—and finds—happiness each and every day. But Agnes is also an achiever, and I sense a frustration in her for not having an answer to a well-meaning question many have recently asked: “What’s next?” So I say this to you, Agnes, with respect and love: “Stop with all the achieving already! Take time to breathe. Regroup. Say ‘NO!’”


​Well, now...spring forward to today: Agnes’s 2021 WOTY is OPPORTUNITY! “Oh, oh, Agnes,” I asked when she recently told me this, “what in the world are you planning to achieve now?” She set me straight, though. She is not looking for opportunity. Agnes is tasking herself to see opportunity in whatever comes her way each new day. Sounds like an excellent plan, m’darlin’.



I met Lindsey almost a year ago in a writing class taught by the wonderful Joshilyn Jackson. Halfway through the six-week class, pandemic restrictions caused us to go remote. Disappointing as this was, it taught us we could still work on our writing and revising together via Zoom. Our writing journeys continue, together but also separately and in unique ways. My road is one of an empty nester, not without bumps, but with fewer obstacles than years past. Lindsey’s road is one of jumps and starts as she also juggles the demands of four kids, church, substitute teaching, a husband, extended family, a podcast...I know there’s more, but whew, I’m already tired. Lindsey’s WOTY? VISION. I hear ya, lady...although I suspect you’ll continue to juggle too much, still handling it all with joy and sass and grace. (Sorry, couldn’t help myself.)

And now may I tell you about Kathy? Like Karen, Kathy’s been my friend for going on thirty years. In fact, we all met at the same pool in the same subdivision back when we were the age of the current Millennials. Crazy, I know. Kathy’s the kind of woman you could almost hate...if she wasn’t so gosh-darned nice. She doesn’t cuss, she’s a gracious hostess (of baby showers, happy hours, cookie exchanges, yada), her house and yard are always immaculate, her kids continue to be those kids—you know, the ones with perfect SAT scores, yada again. Now retired, Kathy’s still a worker and a worrier. When I asked for her WOTY, she told me TRUST. Then she burst out laughing and said, “That was my word last year, wasn’t it?” Indeed it was. For 2021, Kathy’s settled on SAVOR. Let’s hope she allows herself to do just that and savor the lovely life she and Mike have made for themselves.




My 2021 WOTY is almost too simple. It’s HOPE. When I first contemplated it, I scoffed. In my mind, hope seemed too damned soft. It reminded me of this phrase: “A goal is a dream with a deadline.” In my mind, hope seemed too much like dream. Fluffy. Not strong enough to anchor a year on.

But then I thought back on 2020. So many hardships touched us. Obviously, the pandemic. But also racial tensions. Economic hardships. Unjust deaths and other travesties. And now here’s 2021. Within a week of its onset, we witnessed an insurrection on our Capitol. We continue to watch our nation move forward but fail to feel it heal and unite.




So here’s the deal. I wish you good things in 2021. May you be sprinkled with an abundance of what you need most, be it kindness or opportunity. Clearer vision. The grace to savor life’s little gifts.


If you don’t get jazzed by words and their meanings, so be it. I still wish you ongoing hope.


My WOTY is HOPE. Can’t help myself. After all, without hope, does anything else really matter?


Cheers ~ Jan

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