Is it a reflection on my decades-old mothering skills that two of my three adult children will never have kids of their own? Please tell me they aren’t remaining childless because they fear wreaking havoc on a little one’s life the way their mother did on theirs.
Yes, I’m joking here. Sorta. But sometimes it feels like, even after almost forty years in, I’ve never totally gotten this parenting thing down.
So when my middle child—the only one who has kids of her own—asked me the following question, I was honored to think she’d be interested to know:
On further reflection, it dawned on me that she hadn’t exactly asked me that; the STORYWORTH subscription she got for me had. Then, when I told her not to read my automated responses because I’d likely edit them later, she told me not to worry. Something about being awfully damned busy these days but looking forward to having some memories to cherish when I’m gone.
Oy.
But far be it from me to be offended. Because frankly, I’m not sure it’s my place to offer advice on this topic. That said, just for giggles—and for the sake of answering the question—here are a few things I’ve embraced along the way:
When they’re little....
(1) Don’t make it all quiet when it’s time for them to sleep. Let ‘em get used to the chaos.
(2) OMG, don’t dink around with shorter naps in the morning and again in the afternoon. Make those littles power through the AM so that everyone’s rewarded with a big chunk of restful quiet after lunch.
(3) Don’t beat yourself up for all the things you don’t enjoy when it comes to spending time with your kids. We aren’t all cut out (or able) to be room mom at the school. Just make sure you find things you can enjoy together, whether they involve sports, reading, art, music, hanging in nature...whatever.
As they grow....
(4) Buckle your seatbelts for the teen years. Regardless of what it looks like all around you, no parent gets through that pocket unscathed. You won’t either.
(5) Try to keep the balance. Don’t run for therapy over every little episode that occurs, but don’t avoid it at all costs. We all need a little extra help from time to time.
(6) Try to teach your kids to respect different perspectives—in politics, religion, and life. Teach them the difference between right and wrong, of course, but when it comes to the gray areas, make time to talk and listen and learn. Together.
(7) Help them discover and use their talents and gifts.
(8) Teach them to say they’re sorry when they’ve been an ass. Set an example by doing the same.
(9) Remind them there will always be people out there who are better and worse at things. Tell them don’t get hung up comparing. Strive to be better, keep on swimming, don’t give up.
(10) Let them know they must never forget, Big Daddy (the Riceman) and JJ (moi) are both da bomb!!
Cheers ~ J
