When I initially sat down to write this post, I had nothing. Nada. Absolutely no topic nudged me to say, “Write about me this month.” I was feeling meh. Worse. I worried I’d forgotten how to have fun.
This struck me as crazy, given my past few weeks. They’d been filled with day trips, house guests, and end-of-school activities. Time on the water, family outings, and getting back to the garden. But instead of feeling jazzed to write about these experiences, I felt exhausted. Empty.
Then I discovered a new (to me) podcast called Kelly Corrigan Wonders, specifically,her January 25, 2022 episode (Season 1, Episode 72) called The 2022 Regroup: The Power of Fun. On it, Kelly talks with Catherine Price, science journalist and author of The Power of Fun – How to Feel Alive Again.
I listened to science-based facts about how fun reduces stress, which impacts our hormone levels, making us more relaxed, resilient, and productive. Yada yada, I’d heard it all before. Yet listening to the podcast reminded me of something equally important: Each of us has our own collection of activities, settings, and people that generates fun.
Each of us has our own fun magnets.
Hearing this stirred a memory. When our granddaughter Charli was three, my daughter Quinn ribbed me that Charli said all her grandparents spoiled her except her JJ (me). I bristled a little but shrugged it off. Until Charli’s next visit, when I had to learn more.
“Do I spoil you?” I asked.
“No.”
“But your Nana and PauPau and Big Daddy do?”
“Yes.”
She said this without sounding bitter, with more maturity than I was feeling myself. Brooding, I couldn’t help but wonder. Was I being too stern with her? Did I not pepper her with enough treats?
“Charli,” I pressed, “how do your other grandparents spoil you?”
She cocked her head. “You know.”
I didn’t. And her expression radiated a message: I was an idiot. But she loved me anyway. She walked over to me and reached up her arms.
“They do this,” she said, wriggling her fingers under my armpits as though she was scratching an itch. “Ticka. Ticka. Ticka.”
“They tickle you?” I felt my eyes widen. “That’s how they spoil you?”
She giggled an affirmation, continuing to tickle me until I giggled, too.
To this day, I don’t like being tickled. It reminds me of when I was little, how my sisters would pin me down and tickle me until I practically cried. It was all in fun (I think!), but holy man, I vowed to never do that to anyone else.
To Charli, though, being tickled is fun. It’s being spoiled and loved. For her, it’s a fun magnet—something that makes her feel playful and connected and in the flow, all at the same time.
It’s great to discover and share a family’s overlapping fun magnets. If we can find them. Media paint others’ lives as a series of overlapping happy moments. They’re not. But when we feel like we’re not having fun like everyone else, we blame ourselves. We feel isolated and inadequate. Or maybe just meh.
For years, a personal fun magnet for me focused on quarterly Sunday dinners where extended family ate and played catch-up, capping it all off with a toothy family photo. It took me a long time to realize that wasn’t a magnet, it was a fantasy. Mine. And mine alone.
Yet sometimes, life surprises us. In early May, our family gathered—not on a Sunday, but on a Saturday. We combined a couple birthdays with an early Mother’s Day. We met at a bowling alley, wolfed down pizza and pretzels, and topped it all off with a whole lotta strikes and gutters. After I begged, the family posed for a photo, and when Rice posted it on Facebook (see below), a friend asked him this question:
“Are you short less?”
Oh, my. He isn't, but in my humble opinion, the photo effect is fabu. Unintentional, yes. Still, a lovely surprise.
And maybe that’s the point about fun. Often slippery and elusive, it ebbs and flows, never constant. If its absence becomes constant, we need to seek help. If it merely evades us now and again, perhaps we can get by granting ourselves a little extra grace.
Having fun sometimes takes more work than we’d like. Other times, it shows up when and where we least expect it.
But it isn’t optional. Our lives depend on it.
So tell me, m'darlin', are we having any fun yet?