Updated: Dec 21, 2022
November, we hardly knew you. And now December. Why must you be so hard?
Sure, as a kid, I found you easy. Gifts, Christmas pageants, and candy. Days off. Snow. Magic.
But then I became an adult, and wham! Suddenly, nothing was quite so stressful as trying to make Santa look good to my kiddos on Christmas. Unless it was pulling together the midday feast while respecting the extended family’s food preferences. You know, creating a gluten-free meal that’s low in salt and diabetic-friendly while still tasting good to those who love their sugar and starch.
These days, the year-end holidays are different. Rice and I rarely cook—hallelujah! In fact, we spent this past Thanksgiving at a local restaurant, enjoying a meal seated next to complete strangers. Correction: By the end of the meal, we were no longer strangers. We shared some laughs and light conversation with Rachel and her wife, Keira, as well as Keira’s mom and grandmother.
Now, maybe you’re thinking, where was our family? No worries. It’s all good.
Frankly, I think our kiddos, now all adults, are grateful I no longer try to turn our holidays into a Hallmark movie—starring me as the matriarch(!), the gracious hostess who opens her home effortlessly to extended family and friends. Because the thing is, that’s not me. Ever. Especially not during the holidays.
For me, it’s hard to stay calm in the midst of the cooking and chaos and kids, with everyone talking at once. Food gets burned—or remains woefully undercooked. Something breaks or someone gets hurt. A debate breaks out—over politics, game rules, or who-knows-what. When I’m a guest, those things roll off my back. When I’m the matriarch-hostess, I tend to own them.
Thanksgiving 2022 was close to perfect. The icing on the cake was spending time with family. But low-key style. Our son and his wife stayed at our house but ate at her parents’. Our younger daughter dined with her husband’s family but popped in and out with our grands throughout the weekend. We enjoyed Sunday brunch with our oldest, who worked Thanksgiving day.
But now comes December…. We’re easing our way in, some decorating here, a party or two there. We’ll likely spend Christmas Eve just us two—maybe with early evening church, followed by dinner at a local Thai place. Christmas morning will roll in slow and easy. With plenty of quiet time and hot coffee.
Come afternoon, the extended family will congregate—elsewhere!—invading our middle kiddo’s home. We’ll bring food and drink to share, gifts for her kids, hearts overflowing with blessings…and gratitude that the hardest part of the season has passed. And everyone will curse me when I say it’s time for the family photo. (I’m happy to play the matriarch card in this instance.)
Overall, the day should be fun and simple, especially since we no longer exchange gifts among the adults. No worries, though. One lucky soul will leave our gathering with a gift—the family’s “Flake of the Year” award. But only after nominations and debates and lots of belly laughs…because somehow we always manage to have an abundance of contenders each year.
How about you? Do you like to do your holidays BIG? Or do you prefer a quieter time? Either way, it’s the season for ALL the feels. Joy and dread, exhaustion and awe. Breaking old molds to make room for new traditions.
My point? I guess I’m coming to grips with how we all like to fa-la-la differently. Each of us is the star of our own holiday show—be it The Holiday, Elf, The Family Stone…or something entirely different. (Die Hard, anyone?)
Personally, I hope to make space this season for Jesus and Santa and dreidels,,,for family and candlelight…for community and peace. ‘Tis a difficult time for many. Including me. So I like to shine a light however I can.
For others? Of course. But also for myself.
Cheers ~ J
- Sep 30, 2022
Thanks for checking in. I have been working some projects and re-visiting priorities--although, obviously, art lessons didn't make the list. Oy.
All's good here, though. Hope you can say the same.
More to come soon. Cheers, y'all ~ Jan
- Mar 28, 2022
Is it a reflection on my decades-old mothering skills that two of my three adult children will never have kids of their own? Please tell me they aren’t remaining childless because they fear wreaking havoc on a little one’s life the way their mother did on theirs.
Yes, I’m joking here. Sorta. But sometimes it feels like, even after almost forty years in, I’ve never totally gotten this parenting thing down.
So when my middle child—the only one who has kids of her own—asked me the following question, I was honored to think she’d be interested to know:
On further reflection, it dawned on me that she hadn’t exactly asked me that; the STORYWORTH subscription she got for me had. Then, when I told her not to read my automated responses because I’d likely edit them later, she told me not to worry. Something about being awfully damned busy these days but looking forward to having some memories to cherish when I’m gone.
Oy.
But far be it from me to be offended. Because frankly, I’m not sure it’s my place to offer advice on this topic. That said, just for giggles—and for the sake of answering the question—here are a few things I’ve embraced along the way:
When they’re little....
(1) Don’t make it all quiet when it’s time for them to sleep. Let ‘em get used to the chaos.
(2) OMG, don’t dink around with shorter naps in the morning and again in the afternoon. Make those littles power through the AM so that everyone’s rewarded with a big chunk of restful quiet after lunch.
(3) Don’t beat yourself up for all the things you don’t enjoy when it comes to spending time with your kids. We aren’t all cut out (or able) to be room mom at the school. Just make sure you find things you can enjoy together, whether they involve sports, reading, art, music, hanging in nature...whatever.
As they grow....
(4) Buckle your seatbelts for the teen years. Regardless of what it looks like all around you, no parent gets through that pocket unscathed. You won’t either.
(5) Try to keep the balance. Don’t run for therapy over every little episode that occurs, but don’t avoid it at all costs. We all need a little extra help from time to time.
(6) Try to teach your kids to respect different perspectives—in politics, religion, and life. Teach them the difference between right and wrong, of course, but when it comes to the gray areas, make time to talk and listen and learn. Together.
(7) Help them discover and use their talents and gifts.
(8) Teach them to say they’re sorry when they’ve been an ass. Set an example by doing the same.
(9) Remind them there will always be people out there who are better and worse at things. Tell them don’t get hung up comparing. Strive to be better, keep on swimming, don’t give up.
(10) Let them know they must never forget, Big Daddy (the Riceman) and JJ (moi) are both da bomb!!
Cheers ~ J
